GROCERY GLADIATORS
Surviving the Supermarket: A Tale of Woe and Coupons
Where 'Express Lane' is a concept as mythical as unicorns.
It was a Tuesday. Not just any Tuesday, but the kind of Tuesday that screamed for a heroic venture into the wilderness of consumerism: the supermarket. Armed with a shopping list that read like a plea for nutritional salvation and a fistful of coupons promising discounts akin to finding the Holy Grail, I embarked on what I believed was a simple gatherer’s quest.
Entering the sliding doors felt like stepping into Narnia, if Narnia was a fluorescent-lit maze designed by someone who thought linear shopping experiences were too mainstream. The first challenge wasn’t finding the produce section; it was surviving the onslaught of shopping carts driven by people who seemed to have received their licenses from a cereal box.
I navigated the aisles with the grace of a ballet dancer avoiding land mines, clutching my coupons like sacred texts. The bread aisle was my first battlefield. Loaves upon…